


Mix mir einen Drink

by Soronya



Series: Achtung, wir kommen! [2]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: Character Study, Drinking, Feeling B - Freeform, First Date Gone Wrong, Friendship, Kissing, M/M, POV First Person, Pre-Rammstein Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soronya/pseuds/Soronya
Summary: Paul comes to a crossroads with his former band and feels torn between moving forward and being held back. While Flake wants to hold onto Feeling B, Paul searches for something new and luckily, Richard seems to be in the same boat.
Relationships: Richard Kruspe/Paul Landers
Series: Achtung, wir kommen! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899442
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29
Collections: Rammstein - First Dates - August prompt





	Mix mir einen Drink

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, everyone!  
> For the August challenge of our [R+ Discord Server](https://discord.gg/rammstein), I wrote this little fic. It's a follow up to the fic "Lied der unruhevollen Jugend" but it's not necessary to have read that before.  
> A huge thank you goes out to [Nikki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikoNotHere) for being a fabulous beta! Thank you for your advice and your encouragement!  
> Also, [Milrekki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milrekki) helped me, too, so thank you, my love, for your advice ♥  
> The title can be translated to "mix me a drink".

“I’m gonna meet the Schwerin gang on Saturday,” I told Flake over breakfast. I took a bite of my Knäckebrot coated with cream cheese and chewed with delight.

Flake raised both eyebrows. “We have a band meeting on Saturday.”

“Oh, you mean Aljoscha is bored enough to invite us over?” I answered bitterly. 

“Don’t say that,” Flake grumbled, hiding his face behind his mug full of steaming hot coffee.

“Why not?” I asked him, feeling the anger flaring up inside of me. Maybe it wasn’t just anger but also disappointment and the fear of being left behind that made me so cynical about the whole situation. However, Schneider had been right with what he said to me and his decision to quit  _ Feeling B _ made me question my own relationship to the band. “Schneider was right and you know it.”

“No, I don’t!” Flake’s voice became louder. “Maybe we just need to write new songs – be creative again. Go on tour.”

“Aljoscha doesn’t care about the music. He’s simply looking for an excuse to get wasted, nothing more,” I said. “And anyway, nobody wants to listen to  _ Feeling B _ anymore.”

“How could you know?” Flake tried to defend the band he was in and that was, apparently, the part in his life he cared about the most. I couldn’t hold it against him. 

The music was what had made our lives enjoyable and had given us a purpose. It was what we loved, what we lived for. Thus, when Schneider had told me the time of Feeling B was over, that we wouldn’t be able to record new songs, that nobody would want to listen to it anymore – well, his words had hurt me, too. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right. It was time for a change, time for something new.

“Because the wall fell, Flake,” I told him. “And the Wessis are absolutely not interested in our music. Why would anyone want to listen to us when they can listen to  _ The Rolling Stones _ or  _ ZZ Top _ .”

“But the Ossis–”

“The Ossis are too busy trying to be like Wessis that they don’t care anymore,” I interrupted Flake. “Wake up, Flake. It’s over.”

His coffee mug hit the table with a loud  _ bang _ and I startled a bit. Flake glared at me and I glared back. “No, it’s not over. Aljoscha wants to meet us, wants to make new songs. Maybe it’s you. You just have to put some effort into our band, Paul.”

My mouth fell open and I quickly shut it again. Usually, Flake wasn’t the one to make accusations, but he was scared of losing what was so dear to him. Not that I wasn’t, though. But at least I had the insight to realise when something was about to die and it was no longer reasonable to hold onto it. 

“ _ I _ have to put some effort into it? Who of us is constantly wasted? Aljoscha and you – you only use our concerts and our rehearsals to get drunk,” I accused him and watched as his eyes became wide. “You’re an alcoholic, Flake, and sometimes I ask myself what is more important to you. The music… or alcohol.”

My words hit him like a train and I could see how he gulped. Wordlessly, he took his coffee and got up, shaking his head ever so slightly. He walked into his room, banging his door shut behind him and as the anger inside of me slowly faded, I realised I had been a giant asshole. 

×××

I knew I should have apologised to him, but I was too proud and too much of a coward to do so. And more importantly: I was right.

×××

Flake and I didn’t talk much for the following two days and then it was Saturday. The afternoon flew by and I was looking forward to seeing Till and Richard. Although they were now living in Berlin, too, I still referred to them by  _ the Schwerin gang _ , simply because it still stuck.

To be honest, I was looking forward to spending some time outside this apartment, away from the tension that lingered between Flake and me. I could have left anytime, but I had nowhere to go and contrary to Flake, I disliked wandering around without having a destination.

The telephone rang but I didn’t want to answer it, so I waited in my room until I heard Flake’s footsteps on the old wooden flooring. I heard Flake’s muffled voice through the door of my room, but the call didn’t last long. Only two minutes later, the door to my room was opened and Flake looked at me, disappointment written all over his face.

“Aljoscha cancelled,” Flake informed me, his hand clenching around the doorknob.

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. On the one hand, I felt sorry for Flake, on the other, I felt the big urge to give him the  _ I told you so  _ speech. 

“It seems like you were right, after all,” he continued and I avoided his gaze. Flake was my friend. The frustration and sadness in his face hurt and I shouldn’t make this any harder for him. After all, _ Feeling B _ still meant much more to him than it did to me at this point.

“I am sorry, Flake,” I said and I meant it. “At least he had the courtesy to call you.”

“Oh, it wasn’t him who called,” Flake corrected me. “It was a friend who told me Aljoscha is already wasted. Some drugs apparently don’t go well together.”

I tried to smile at Flake apologetically, but it didn’t have the desired effect. “Hey,” I said, suddenly having an idea. “Why don’t you come with me to see Till and Richard? We meet at nine at the  _ Knaack Club _ .”

Flake hesitated. “I don’t know. Do you think it’s okay?”

“I am sure it is.”

×××

A few hours later, we arrived at the club. A few people stood outside, talking and smoking, and we made our way towards the entrance. I was glad Flake was with me, simply because I hated fighting with him and I was happy we were on good terms again.

It was still warm outside though it was already the end of August, so we had left our jackets at home. While Flake wore a hideous checked button-down shirt, I had chosen a simple black t-shirt and West-jeans I bought directly after the wall had fallen. Sometimes, I still couldn’t believe how much more comfortable the fabric was in contrast to those that were produced in the GDR. 

The club wasn’t too packed yet and since we were surprisingly early, I didn’t expect Richard and Till to be here already. Flake and I made our way towards the bar, ordering two beers while the first band on stage went through the usual check-up process. I was just about to tell Flake how cool it’d be to play here again when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re already here!” a familiar voice exclaimed and I turned, looking into Richard’s face. “It’s good to see you, Paul!”

He pulled me into a hug before I could react or say something, so I simply reciprocated the embrace. He smelled of the now-familiar combination of cigarette smoke and leather and as always, my heart sped up a little by having him so close. It was stupid, really, considering the fact that we hadn’t kissed since the day in Till’s house almost five years ago. And yet – the urge to repeat it got stronger every time I saw him.

He held me at arm-length, staring into my eyes with a happy shine in his own. I noticed he had put on some eyeliner and I definitely liked how it looked on him. His bleached blond hair was hidden beneath a black hat, fitting him perfectly. He really was a pretty man indeed.

“Oh, and uh, hello Flake,” Richard said as he noticed the tall man standing behind me and thus, distracted me from my thoughts. “I didn’t know you were coming along.”

I didn’t know whether this was only my imagination playing games with me, but I thought I might have heard something like disappointment in Richard’s voice. Why would he be disappointed that Flake was here, too? I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

“Hi, hello,” Flake said awkwardly and smiled at Richard. He must have heard the undertone in Richard’s voice, too, because his smile seemed fake and lopsidedly. “I, uh… Paul said it’d be okay if I came along?”

Richard nodded. “Yeah, of course,” he answered. None of us knew what to say now and we stood there, looking at each other in an awkward silence.

“Where’s Till?” I eventually asked, realising he wasn’t around. I couldn’t spot him anywhere else in the club.

Richard looked down at the floor, scratching at the back of his head with one hand. “He, uh, he didn’t feel so well,” he mumbled. “Couldn’t make it, sorry.”

He sounded weird and I wanted to inquire, but I let it be. Till’s mood could change quickly and it wasn’t unusual for him to change his mind when it came to going out together. So I simply shrugged it off, deciding for myself that maybe Richard had a rough day.

“Let’s get you a drink, too,” I told Richard and smiled at him. “First one is on me.”

“Thank you!” he said smiling back, and I felt a warmth rising inside of me. I loved his smile. It was beautiful and genuine, changing his whole attire and appearance. He often looked like he carried a lot of weight with him, sorrows and melancholy all hidden deep inside of him, but visible in his eyes. When he smiled or laughed genuinely, it seemed like he let go of it for a few moments. One day, I was gonna ask him about his past only to help him carry that load.

Richard got himself a beer and we clinked our glasses, raising them to a joyful evening. We talked about our momentary life situation, our plans, and most importantly, about music. Flake and I hadn’t been to rehearsals or played on a stage for what felt like ages. And since  _ Feeling B _ was definitely not coming back to life, at least not in the way we knew it, I wanted something new. I wanted to make music again, be in a band, have people around me who thought alike.

“Are you still planning to tour with your band?” Richard asked eventually and I grimaced.

“Sadly, I think our band is no more,” I answered and Flake looked at me disapprovingly. “Aljoscha has been gone for a while and the songs we came up with weren’t to his liking.”

“But maybe we can convince him,” Flake chimed in. He still didn’t want to let go of the band, although Aljoscha had blown him off. “We only need to talk seriously to him again.”

“You can’t talk seriously to him, Flake, because Aljoscha is always wasted. Always. And if it’s not because of alcohol, it’s because of various drugs. I thought we already discussed it.”

“Seems like trouble,” Richard mumbled and I nodded.

“Lots of,” I agreed and ignored Flake, who was just about to say something in his and Aljoscha’s defense. “I think I need a new band. I miss being in one.”

“Understandable,” Richard said. “I am without a band at the moment, too. Not meeting with others and discussing rhythms and melodies…”

“…it’s like a part of you is missing,” I finished his sentence and he nodded.

“I couldn’t have put it any better,” he said and I found it kind of reassuring that he cared as much about music as I did. It seemed like it was something that connected us and would draw us back together, although other things might tear us apart.

“And  _ I _ still think we should give  _ Feeling B _ another chance,” Flake defended himself and I kinda hated to admit to myself I wished he weren’t here right now. Or that Till was here, too, so he could talk to him. 

Right now, I wanted to share some time with Richard since talking to him was much easier than talking to Flake these days. I didn’t want to justify myself for the umpteenth time because I felt like leaving our band. And at this moment, I didn’t want to hear his accusations that I let him down.

Additionally, seeing Richard was special and I enjoyed spending time with him, despite our regular banter, or maybe even because of it. It was fun to talk to him, discuss things with him, and even have some quarrels occasionally that were never too serious. Richard was interesting, new, and exciting.

While Flake was… well, Flake. My best friend for years now. Living together with him had always been good and easy. We understood each other without words, had similar interests and were mostly of the same opinion. However, while I thrived for something new and unknown, Flake preferred keeping things like they were.

But I wanted – and needed – change.

“Flake, let’s…” I wasn’t even sure what to say. Actually, telling him to shut his mouth was on the tip of my tongue, but I could restrain myself from actually saying it. I knew he’d be miffed about it and he would have every right to be it. So instead I just told him: “…let’s talk about it later, okay?”

Before he had a chance to answer, the band on stage started to play their first song. It was loud and the guitar sound was fantastic. Immediately I felt drawn in and enjoyed the bass thrumming through my body.

We finished our first beers right as the second song began and Richard decided to order Tequila instead of a next round of beer. While we waited for our drinks to be served, I realised the club was getting more packed and some people already started dancing, moving to the rhythm more or less gracefully.

Richard brought us our drinks and we downed them immediately. It was the cheapest brand of Tequila I knew, of course, and it tasted like drain cleaner. Not that I knew how drain cleaner tasted, but I imagined it’d be exactly like this.

“Let’s go dancing,” I announced, not leaving any room for protest before Flake could order more beer and decline.

“Good idea,” Richard shouted over the music and I pulled Flake with me to the space closer to the stage. The group of already dancing people welcomed us in, and for the next half hour, I totally lost myself in the ecstasy of the music.

×××

Later, we got another few drinks and danced until the band stopped playing, welcoming the next group on the stage. They also went through the whole sound and light check procedure while Flake, Richard and I talked about living in Berlin and how the reunion of Germany had made many things worse. It wasn’t really a topic to discuss on a Saturday evening with friends out, but at least I got to know more about Richard and why he finally moved to Berlin.

As the band eventually started playing, I grimaced. It was high and screeching and the singer had the worst voice I’ve ever heard. Aljoscha wasn’t really blessed with a nice tenor or baritone but that guy was something else. Richard and Flake looked equally displeased, but we stayed for another song before we unanimously decided to go outside.

Richard immediately offered us cigarettes and we smoked together, watching the pedestrians and cars passing by. My gaze fell upon Richard after a while. Somehow I hadn’t become tired of looking at him yet. And I hoped I’d never would. He looked truly marvellous in his black pants that accentuated his ass so very well and the leather jacket that must have cost a fortune if it was real.

The fact that I was tipsy by now didn’t help at all to look somewhere else or think about something different. It actually made the whole situation kinda worse. Now I questioned myself why I didn’t stand closer to him or lay my arm around his shoulder. Or, even better, why didn’t I just take his face into my hands and kiss him thoroughly?

Damn, I definitely wanted to do that again. It had been so many years ago, and yet I never forgot about that stupid kiss we shared because of a simple wager. I had kissed many people since that day and most of them had been pleasurable experiences. Although the kiss with Richard had been amazing, it wasn’t like it had been perfect or so good that I could justify thinking about it every other day.

And yet – Richard was always there when I thought about a good kiss. He had given me a good feeling, a wonderful sensation of happiness and excitement and the strong desire to do it again. Preferably, right now.

“I need to piss,” Flake exclaimed. “Shall I bring you a beer on my way back?”

“Yes,” Richard accepted his offer and I nodded, too. Flake went back inside and once the tall door shut behind him, I exhaled audibly. I didn’t plan on sounding or apparently also looking so relieved, but Richard raised an eyebrow at me.

“Trouble in paradise?” Richard asked in an amused tone.

“We’re not together,” I clarified immediately and threw my cigarette on the ground before stepping on it.

“I know,” Richard grinned. “But sometimes it looks like it.”

“He’s a friend. A very good friend to be precise,” I explained. “But I… well, our band is breaking apart. Schneider already left and he’s right with what he’s saying. We outgrew Aljoscha. And he’s only interested in alcohol and other drugs – recently more than ever. Flake hates new situations and he doesn’t adapt well.”

“I see,” Richard said and nodded slowly. “You want to move on but he doesn’t. And you don’t wanna lose him as a friend.”

“Exactly,” I answered. “He doesn’t realise that standstill can be an end –  _ is  _ an end to many things.”

We kept silent for a moment and I tried very hard not to stare at him. The noises of the city were buzzing and the bass from the music was audible even on the outside of the building. I felt restless and somehow stuck in between something I couldn’t put into words.

“Well,” Richard said finally and pulling me out of my thoughts before I could start brooding, “I am kinda glad Flake is gone for a moment.”

I startled and looked at him, wide-eyed. “Why?” I wanted to know. “Don’t you like him?”

“Oh don’t worry; it’s not that, I promise,” Richard assured me. “I, uh, I am just glad we’re alone.”

My heartbeat quickened and I had to force myself to breathe calmly. “Why?” I asked hesitantly, hoping I wasn’t imagining things or projecting my wishes so much that I got delusional. 

Richard scratched the back of his head absent-mindedly and avoided my gaze for a second, before smiling lopsidedly. “I, uh, well, you know, I was hoping you would have shown up alone in the first place.”

I was baffled and didn’t know what to say. Apparently, Richard thought I was shocked – which I was, but not in a bad way – and began to babble some excuses.

“This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have brought Flake along or something, but… you know, he’s a cool guy and – but, you know, I… I never even asked Till to come with me because I wanted to spend time with you alone and I, you know–”

“You wanted to spend time with me alone?” I repeated and a big smile spread over my face, while my stomach did backflips out of excitement. “Like, two friends spending time together?”

Richard sighed, running a hand over his face. “Well, uh, more like, uh…” He trailed off and I saw how his cheeks became a bit rosy. Maybe my high hopes weren’t so unachievable after all.

“More like… a date,” Richard mumbled and it was so quiet that I almost missed it. 

Almost.

“Why didn’t you say it before?” I asked.

“I was scared you’d say no,” Richard explained. “Didn’t want to look like a fool.”

“Fuck, Richard,” I said and chuckled. “That would have made so many things so much easier.”

“Me making a fool out of myself?”

I snorted. “No, you idiot. Saying this was supposed to be a date.”

“Why?” Richard furrowed his brows.

“Because then I would have done this earlier,” I answered before stepping into his personal space and laying my arms around him. “If it’s okay, I’d like to kiss you now.”

“It’s more than just okay,” Richard croaked and tilted his head a bit to meet my lips. I let my eyes fall shut and leaned in. The kiss caused fireworks to explode inside of me, bringing me joy and excitement and an indescribable glee. I felt Richard’s tongue against my lips and opened my mouth, inviting him in. Richard groaned lowly, pulling me into a tight embrace and deepening the kiss.

For a moment, the world seemed to both stand still and spin faster at the same time. When I broke the kiss to gasp for air and opened my eyes, I saw Flake over Richard’s shoulder. He stood in the doorway, gaping at us with eyes big as saucers, three glasses of beer in his hands. He shook his head in disbelief, then went back into the club without saying a word to us.

Right now, I didn’t mind. I could take care of Flake later on. But at the moment, I only wanted to kiss Richard again. And again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your time! As always, kudos and comments are highly appreciated! ♥


End file.
